There are 6 types of professors in every college

Lets accept it, college life is the most fun period in a persons life. That feeling of walking into the college gates and having no intention of sitting for a single lecture is the most liberating feeling known to man. School life was much more innocent. Small nuances went unnoticed and the main aim of being in a lecture wasn’t “Aaj toh kuch karte hai!”

Professors come in every shape, size and type. As small as their role was in class, it got bigger once out of class. Some of the ones everyone can relate to are :

1. The weird accent one: Probably the most common type. The accent can range from being monotonous and soporific to downright impossible to comprehend. They give us hours of joy after the actual lectures though. Its hard to keep a straight face when you are being told to do your assignments ‘Froferly’ and not to ‘cofy’ during the exams. The good news is, you have a perfect reason for not doing well. Everyone needs something to blame, right?

2. The one that flirted: The one who very conveniently drops his pen or marker near the girls benches. His lectures are generally for the select few who sit around the girls. By the end of his course, all you’ve learnt is perfecting your fake laughter skills.

Every guys nightmare. You don’t want to be up against him on your vivas, especially if the next two people with you are girls.

3. The one who dint know English: Sometimes it took us the whole lecture, or even more to figure out what the topic was. Their intentions are good, but the meaning gets lost somewhere between the ‘the’s and the ‘is’s. “When the bartan is fall by your mother, you do the Hoo Hoo at home?” All the professor wanted to say was to be as civilized in class as we are at home. Intention? Good. Outcome? Very very good!

I think inzaman ul haq had a lot of these in his college. “the boys is the plays is the good cricket but we is the lose today because is the batting is the not good is”.

4. The veteran: Every back benchers nightmare. They know exactly whats going to happen, when and how. Its almost like they have a 6th sense which tells them of your next move to disrupt his lecture. Everytime you make eye contact, it reminds you of the horrors of the last viva with this person. Common things spoken about include how the new generation has no respect for education and teachers and how he studied 29 hours a day back in his school days. Thinking of making up an excuse for missing his assignment/lecture? Don’t even bother, he probably knows what you are going to say and already has a punishment ready!

5. The Newcomer: He’s as nervous about the tough course he’s going to take as the class itself. Usually the one who has the most number of slides and the one who gives the maximum work. Yes, we know you take your role seriously. and No, wearing a tie and shirt won’t make us take you seriously. They have a hard life, no one takes them seriously. Not the senior faculty, not the management and not even the students.

6. Mr-Know-it-all – NOT: Its not about being egoistical, they just want the class to know that they are the best source of information out there. A lecture on Thermal stresses ends up in the one time they went to Thailand. Sucking up to them is a good option if grades are what you seek. Enter the smart guy in the class who asks a doubt, the answer: “Actually, this was not part of the syllabus. Lets move onto the next topic.” or “Very interesting question. Do one thing. Think of. Think of”.

This is not meant to be derogatory to any of these people. Its an observation. Observing is not bad. Except maybe if you are doing it like someone from category 2. A very big thank you to all you guys. College just wouldn’t be college without these guys.